"Good Grief!!"

As a parent, there is an expectation that your children will outlive you and lay you to rest when that time comes, but this is undoubtedly not always the case. We received a nightmare of a phone call for any parent to receive about their child from the medical examiner's office, that our daughter had passed away. You can imagine, or maybe you cannot, what that feels like and how instantly your world can be turned upside down from shock to denial, disbelief, and extreme sadness and grief. While going through these emotions, we called upon Allah early and often to help us cope and make sense of things. 

We began thinking about our relationship with Allah and how we should deal with this tragedy as Muslims, followers of the Qur'an and Muhammad (PBUH). So, how should we be during this grieving process of mourning our daughter Porsche? This got my wife and me thinking about the process of grieving as Muslims. So, this blog post speaks to three things to avoid as you go through this grief. We pray that this is a helpful contribution to those who receive this, wherever you may be spiritually.

Grieving is a natural and human response to loss, and Islam provides a compassionate framework to help believers cope with it. While grief is an unavoidable aspect of life, Islam encourages certain behaviors that can aid in healing and offers guidance on what to avoid. By understanding these, we can ensure that our grief brings us closer to Allah (SWT) rather than leading us into despair. Here are three things to avoid while grieving, supported by references from the Qur'an and Hadith.

1. Avoid Losing Hope in Allah's Mercy

One of the most critical aspects to avoid during grief is losing hope in Allah's mercy and wisdom. It can be easy to feel overwhelmed and discouraged in profound sadness. However, believers are reminded that every trial, including loss and grief, is a test from Allah (SWT). The Qur'an emphasizes the importance of maintaining hope and patience:

"Do not lose hope, nor be sad. You will surely be victorious if you are true believers.  (Surah Al-Imran, 3:139)

Losing hope can lead to despair, which is discouraged in Islam. Instead, believers are encouraged to trust Allah's plan, even when it is beyond our understanding. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said:

"Wondrous is the affair of the believer, for there is good for him in every matter. And this is not the case with anyone except the believer. If he is happy, he thanks Allah, and it is good for him; and if he is harmed, he shows patience, and it is good for him." (Sahih Muslim)

 This Hadith reminds us that a believer's response should be patience and trust in Allah's wisdom, even in grief.

2. Avoid Excessive Lamentation and Wailing

While it is natural to express sadness and shed tears, Islam advises against excessive lamentation and wailing, which can often lead to a lack of acceptance of Allah's decree. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) himself grieved and shed tears when his son Ibrahim passed away, but he also set boundaries for the expression of sorrow:

"The eyes shed tears, and the heart is grieved, but we will only say that which pleases our Lord." (Sahih Bukhari)

Excessive wailing and lamentation can signify a lack of patience and acceptance of Allah's will. Islam teaches that a believer should avoid falling into this extreme as it does not bring the deceased back nor provide solace to the living. Instead, maintaining a balanced expression of grief, in line with the teachings of the Prophet (PBUH), helps one heal without stepping outside the bounds of faith.

3. Avoid Isolating Oneself from the Community

Grief can often lead people to withdraw from their loved ones and community. However, Islam emphasizes the importance of community and social support, especially in distress. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) highlighted the value of mutual support among believers:

"The believers, in their mutual love, mercy, and compassion, are like one body: if one part of it feels pain, the whole body responds with wakefulness and fever." (Sahih Muslim)*

Isolation during grief can lead to prolonged sadness and even depression. Instead, Islam encourages turning to family, friends, and the community for comfort, support, and prayers. Acts of kindness, empathy, and communal du’a (supplication) provide emotional strength and a sense of belonging. Engaging with the community during grief helps find comfort and healing through shared compassion.

Grieving is a natural part of the human experience, and Islam provides guidance to help navigate it in a way that strengthens faith and brings one closer to Allah (SWT). By avoiding losing hope in Allah’s mercy, refraining from excessive lamentation, and not isolating oneself from the community, a believer can handle grief in a spiritually rewarding and emotionally healing manner. These guidelines help ensure that grief does not lead one away from the path of faith but instead reinforces the connection to the Divine.

May Allah help us all during our times of grief and sadness...Ameen.

Imam Makram