Be Picky!!

No Two Ways About It.....

We must watch our circles! By circles, I mean associations, friendships, alliances, etc. Those whom you spent the most time with are a direct reflection of you. You're either influencing or being influenced by your circle. High performers make sure that the influence is positive. Eryka Badu said, "I pick my friends like I pick my fruit," meaning to examine, ensuring it's fit to be consumed. We just can't let everybody "in." Some people will use you due to your kindness and willingness to help. They always show up needy and wanting. They're draining your mind, body, and spirit. BEWARE of them. Sometimes, this comes from unsuspecting places like family or a relative.

We all have choices regarding who we spend time with and share our goals and dreams with. Make sure those persons have your best interest at heart. High performers work hard to establish healthy relationships with family and friends, which also means setting good boundaries. Good boundaries allow you to engage with others on your terms in a mutually beneficial way that doesn't deplete you. When interacting with this person, ask yourself whether you feel complete, invigorated, optimistic, and good energy, or tired, used, pessimistic, and empty. Trust yourself and move towards those who add value. You'll be better for it.

Here’s a quick exercise to examine our circles.

1. Take a blank sheet of paper and draw a picture of a bullseye with three rings.

2. Write "ME" in the center of the bullseye.

3. List the 10-15 people (family, friends, colleagues, etc.) that you associate with regularly. (If you don't have a minimum of 5-10 people in your circle...well, that's a topic for a future blog post, stay tuned).

4. Place them on the rings near you based on the time spent, influence, and value they have or bring into your life.

This is not a test. No one will see this paper, so be honest. Don't be alarmed if some people you thought would be closer aren't. It happens. This is simply an exercise to see who's in our circle and why. Once we see it on paper, we can make better decisions about with whom we spend our time, energy, and the gaps in our circles. We can also be more deliberate about improving the quality of our relationships and which ones should be scrapped.

I firmly believe that the more conscious and intentional we are about those around us and in our circles, the more peaceful and productive our lives will be. Self-improvement is hard work! But even more complex than that is not changing something that ain't working.

Choose wisely!

Imam Makram